Having a real convo about mental health
Savleen Batra
It’s always hard to figure out the best way to talk about mental health. It’s a sensitive topic and you never know when you might ‘offend’ people. However, you don’t actually need to have professional training to have an open, authentic conversation and to help people in your life. It’s true that sometimes even with the best intentions and assumptions, paternalism and stigma can make us say offensive things. But the reality is never mind what we say, we are all in this together at the end of the day.
Even if you don’t qualify for clinical mental health diagnosis, you still know how it feels to be sad, worried or overwhelmed. It’s like how we don’t need to end up being hospitalized or whatever to know that we’ve had a bad day. So, it’s just really important that we’re ready to have a #realconvo about mental health whenever we need to. It helps us connect with each other and it’s an important and effective way to show support.
The most important thing we can all do is to make room to listen to other people’s perspective. Usually, people make all sorts of (subconscious) assumptions when it comes to mental health. It happens when your supportive friend says, ‘I understand what you are going through’ or ‘I have been there’.
Or if you tell someone you have the same mental health as theirs. The truth is, however, everyone is unique. People can have the same diagnoses but hardly the same experiences. Saying I understand maybe empathizing for you but offending for other people because you are assuming that you know their story (sometimes better than they themselves do).
It is also common, sometimes habitual even, for us to give people unsolicited advice or to tell people what is best for them -- this is how paternalism looks like. While you may think you are being helpful by offering ‘tips’ and giving them resources and treatment options, it can be very disempowering when you treat someone like that. It makes them think they can’t manage their own mental health. Even if you are indeed trying to be supportive, such inadvertent paternalism can push people apart and offend people. This is, of course, in addition to the fact that mental health-related convos are often stigmatized. It happens when people are socialized to develop a negative attitude towards mental health. The reality is, and hopefully you would’ve realized this by now, that mental health issues are real and never mind the way or form in which they exhibit, we all need to confront them someday.
When you make room for others’ stories, you can overcome the obstacles of having unjustified and internalized assumptions, paternalism and stigmas. Making room means you stop assuming and that you start asking open-minded questions.
When you ask questions, instead of making assumptions, you make room for another story. Making room for another story also means that we have to replace our paternalism with respect for people’s choices. Never mind who you are, or the roles you have in life, we all have our own answers when it comes to mental health. More often than not, we try to force our opinions onto other people, instead of trying to learn theirs.
There are no perfect answers as to how we should approach mental health issues. This also means, without those universal answers, what we are left with are personal choices. We have to learn to embrace the fact that there are all these choices and we have to respect the choices that people make. When we frame our conversations as discussions about people’s personal choices, we empower people, we make room for their stories, and we have truly open, genuine and real convos about how we feel and what we need.
Of course, it can be hard for someone to disclose their mental health conditions. People get worried that another person may see them differently. They can’t afford to dismiss the stigma or ignore the fact that it exists.
When we make room for the fact that there is the stigma, then we are making room for the stories of people working to overcome that stigma. The bottom line is, no one is obliged to talk about mental health, or anything personal at all. These conversations happen naturally and the best that you can do is to always be ready for them. Make sure you know how to be supportive, what to address or to avoid and know how to be a good listener.
Everyone has their own story when it comes to mental health. The important thing for you and me to have a #realconvo and to help our loved ones is to just listen and let the other person share at their own pace. Have an open mind and never pass judgement or offer unsolicited advice. You just have to be there and check back in from time to time. You just being there, and listening can help brighten up someone’s day, or in certain situations, save someone’s life. Spread awareness and remember someone is there for you too. You are not in this alone. No one is.